TOPICS

For those new to this issue it’s best to know these terms before reading.

12) Cultural ripple effects, psychological consequences, & rights conflicts arising from gender ideology & increases of trans-identified young people

*Warning: Some sections contain language and material that could be considered offensive.

“LGBTQ+” youth and a love of labels

Trans identified youth are an at-risk population who experience real distress. It should be everyone’s goal to create a supportive and welcoming culture towards gender nonconforming individuals. Preliminary data de Vries 2014, Olson 2016, Norman Spack and a Ted Talk on minors regarding early social support and medical intervention, show positive psychological outcomes. 

However, there are both potential negatives and negatives already observed, from a pro-surgery and hormones youth culture. This is also true of gender ideology (sometimes referred to as trans/gender ideology, or queer theory) around how society should approach gender and teach children about it. These issues are not receiving any discussion in more liberal media outlets, or at conferences put on by trans organizations that are training doctors, mental health professionals and educators.

Psychologists, social workers and others working within the therapeutic community are by and large not having a conversation about the bigger picture surrounding gender affirmation. This section contains critiques with the goal of informing the general public, parents, educators, therapists, and doctors, who are often myopic about this issue and all of the ramifications of trans activism and gender ideology on GNC youth and society at large.. 

Government policy for institutions including and teaching programs for school children, advocates that:

  • biological sex is irrelevant to whether someone is a boy or a girl

  • gender is s spectrum and that there are multiple genders

  • everyone has a right to claim their gender, even without any psychological evaluation or medical transition

  • the right to claim a gender identity is not dependent on age

  • gender is absolute, but it is also fluid

  • gender is tied to socio-cultural stereotypes of masculinity and femininity, not biology; but is also an internal feeling

  • body acceptance without drugs or surgery is a not a better outcome than a young person’s lifelong dependency on prescription hormones, losing fertility, and undergoing surgery (see here and here and here). 

Organizations that promote gender ideology, follow the affirmative model, transitioning children at young ages are not representative of the many diverse viewpoints within the LGB and T populations. These organizations should not present viewpoints as though they are, and the public should not assume that the LGBT community is a monolith. Concerns or objections raised about the trans movement are often painted as politically right-wing, anti-LGBT or motivated by religious beliefs. This is done to obscure the reality that the strongest critics are within the LGB and T populations who are most concerned by what has been happening around the trans movement. Those concerned are are liberal women, moderates, gays, lesbians, and even some trans people themselves. The sections below will cover many of the concerns and even outright objections liberals, moderates, and conservatives have about recent large increases of trans identified youth, and the imposition of gender ideology in the public sphere, including on school children.

It is critical that medical and mental health professionals, policy makers, educators, LGBT organizations, parents, and society at large examine the effects of the cultural changes and impacts the trans movement, gender ideology and queer theory has had on society, particularly on young people.

There are many citations of statements from gender clinicians and from peer-reviewed research to demonstrate known and potential risks with the affirmative model on the Gender Health Query website. These risks must be carefully examined and weighed against potential benefits given that so many more young people are now struggling with gender, many transitioning medically even due to amorphous, non-binary identities. Such analysis is difficult given the paucity of solid long term data on mental health and physical health outcomes.

This section contains cultural critiques. These critiques are necessary to highlight and facilitate discussion of the issues surrounding gender which are are poorly understood and lack a historical perspective. These critiques are not to deny any positives that may be attributable to tolerance and an increase in support for youths who want to transition or the validity of transgender identities. It is simply to demonstrate that these are complex issues that have immediate and long term effects at an individual and societal level and, thus, cannot be seen through a simple black and white lens. Outlined below are some of the negative effects gender ideology is having on young people, as well as society in general:

A. Gender confusion, sexual confusion, & a neurotic obsession with gender & identity in young people 

Warning: graphic content

gender ideology taught by D. Ehrensaft/J. Baum From Gender Spectrum

Re-identified woman (10:58-11:00):

“By the same token, this community fixation emphasis on misgendering and dead names and bathrooms, seemed to sensitize me to be incredibly hurt and triggered by unavoidable slights.”

FtM critical of gender ideology

Observations from a youth about current college campus environments:

“It seemed that most of the students who were suddenly transitioning were biological females who were smart but socially awkward. They revealed their identities as trans men, usually through a haircut and new wardrobe, followed by a Facebook post alerting associates to a name and pronoun change. They would soon take to social media, student forums, and classroom discussions to rant about “cis privilege,” how oppressed they are because they get stared at by strangers, how they want to assault people who misgender them, and how in love with their “queer” identities they are.”

Many mental health & medical providers support gender ideology. What are gender affirming professionals teaching young people?

Many people who are critical of current gender ideology, and even researchers studying youth culture and mental health, point to a culture of young people who seem overly obsessed with gender, labels, body dysmorphia, and identity politics and that this negativity is socially contagious and fomented on sites young people frequent such as Tumblr, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Discussion of gender ideology and queer theory on these sites instil ideas that: 

  • you are the gender you say you are for any reason and everyone should respect that 

  • gender is a spectrum with a multitude of gender identities

  • gender identity can change, even moment to moment

  • these ideas about gender are inherently liberating and progressive

  • people are bigots if they don’t include someone’s gender identity in their biological sexual orientation

Some of these arguments may have some scientific validity. For example, it is possible, that in utero hormone levels, other in utero actions, or genetics may cause a fetus’ brain to develop in some ways that are more typical in some ways of the opposite sex. This may cause the person to feel that their body does not match their brain. In this scenario, male and female may be defined by the brain correlates and behaviors and sexual interests typical of masculinity of femininity. This changes the original definition of the words male/female denoting reproductive biology. These ideas are starting to appear in scientific publications such as Scientific American. The science supporting biological reasons for trans identities can be found here. It is important to note that in these studies examining brain correlates may also simply indicate sexuality as the confounder of same sex attraction was not typically controlled for.

However, much about gender ideology and queer theory appears purely ideological, doesn’t have supporting scientific evidence, and is often contradictory. These ideas often fall under purely subjective experiences and a postmodern interpretation of reality, rather than scientific data.

“Common targets of postmodern critique include universalist notions of objective reality, morality, truth, human nature, reason, language, and social progress.”

Normalizing the reality that gender non-conforming people exist and always have, and have rights is non-controversial. Unfortunately, some individuals are totally against all medical interventions, even for adults. Some religious right-wing conservatives believe bible based gender norms should be promoted in society and religion can help cure trans individuals. Some radical feminists are against all medical transitions and believe gender is merely a social construct and that de-emphasizing gender and mysogyny will cure people of their gender dysphoria.

It is important to note that these ideas are not wrong in 100% of all cases. For example, Walter Heyer is a Christian who said God has helped his detransition and healing. Many FtM detransitioners say they have been helped by deconstructing gender expectations and through supportive feminist perspectives. Socio-cultural factors do seem to influence GD and, thus, can also help at least some people work through GD. It is important to note, however, that this doesn’t work for everyone and it is both unscientific and patronizing to insist that this is the case for all trans-identifying individuals. Some are simply happy with transition.

There isn’t any actual difference between gender queer culture promulgated on social media (Facebook offers 51 gender options) and what is promoted by affirmative model professionals, as demonstrated by the above “It can be messy” graphic, offered by Gender Intelligence. Below are just some examples of the ideas about gender that are promoted by gender affirming professionals and activists who run gender education programs in schools.

“Let the child lead/tell”  (see here and here) is a common mantra of gender affirming therapists, who affirm not just a cross-sex identification, but a multitude of gender identities. They do not feel medicalizing these identities should be discouraged. This is a graphic from a presentation by Diane Ehrensaft, one of the most prominent affirmative model supporters. Her philosophy appears to be that gender exploration in children should be actively promoted, and it is not an adult’s role to provide structure around ideas of sex and gender, but the children should “lead the way” in the new age of gender. Further, she does not consider the known and potential risks of social and medical transition. This goes beyond merely taking a child’s gender dysphoria seriously.

Again, she reiterates that society’s ideas of gender should be informed by children:

 “It’s the children who are now leading us,” said Diane Ehrensaft, the director of mental health for the clinic. “They’re coming in and telling us, ‘I’m no gender.’ Or they’re saying, ‘I identify as gender nonbinary.’ Or ‘I’m a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I’m a unique gender, I’m transgender. I’m a rainbow kid, I’m boy-girl, I’m everything.’ “

Dr. Margaret Nichols, another prominent gender affirmation model advocate echoes the view that children should lead the way and that there are limitless amounts of genders we should support them identifying as.

 (10:17-10:37):

“What these children are showing us is that when you let children have free gender expression, what you get is a rainbow of gender expression and gender identity and you realize that gender is much more like a continuum then it is binary.”

And (15:32-15:40):

“…These kids are gender pioneers. They are showing us all what a freer and more equal future can look like. “

There have been multiple stories in the news of parents who are raising their children to be genderless and who are fighting to have an X put on their child’s birth certificate to reflect this. More on that can be found here. One parent says:

“I'm raising Searyl in such a way that until they have the sense of self and command of vocabulary to tell me who they are, I'm recognizing them as a baby and trying to give them all the love and support to be the most whole person that they can be outside of the restrictions that come with the boy box and the girl box. Doty and a group of other applicants have already brought a case before the British Columbia Human Rights Tribunal arguing for the right to change their own birth certificates to a non-binary gender designation.”

“'Boy or girl?' Parents raising 'theybies' let kids decide”

Planned Parenthood celebrates that children are leading the way:

It should be noted Bill C16 referenced by Planned Parenthood may lead to people being prosecuted by the Canadian government for not using preferred pronouns. 

Pro affirmative model advocates strongly encourage and endorse the “gender is a spectrum” model of looking at males and females. Diane Ehrensaft says (2:00:00-2:00:07):

“Some people think that there are only two genders. But there are lots and lots of genders, just like a rainbow.”

Here (1:15:44-1:15:52) she provides some examples of the myriad of gender identities of the children she counsels:

“We talk about gender infinity and not boxing people in, but kids really like self-labels. They like to create their own boxes.”

She expresses enthusiasm for the fact that more adolescents are exploring their gender identity, though also admitting that socio-cultural factors are influencing large numbers of young people to believe there are more than two genders. From her statements, it seems she believes this is positive.

Now we go to our fruit salads. I started off with apples and oranges and I realized I have to add fruit salad… And these are children and adults, it’s a tapestry of self, neither male nor female creative understanding of gender both in identities and expressions. These children typically resist gender boxes, often live in gender middle grounds. No either/or but instead all and any. They often will identify as our agender, pangender, gender fluid, gender queer, children and youth and recently I would say that the culture thread of the gender web is showing up to be very strong; and opening up the doors for fruit salads. And that children are very influenced by the new notion of gender infinity as we saw in the statistics. That 50% of youth don’t just think there’s just two genders. And particularly in adolescence, if we think adolescence in our culture is about identity exploration we have now thrown gender into the hopper for kids to explore their gender. And wonder what that is along with their political affiliation, their religion, etc. (1:48:42-1:50:05)

Joel Baum from Gender Spectrum, an organization that trains teachers and children about how they think gender should be viewed in public schools, echoes the same viewpoint. 

(58:45-59:17):

Someone asked one of my colleagues, ‘How many genders are there then?’ Well, there is basically one. It’s human…No no no scratch that. There’s an infinite number because every one of us has one. And that’s what gender is all about. All of us having the right to be ourselves. To assert the meanings of the terms we use and to ask others to simply respect that. And accept me for knowing my experience, more than anyone else. 

This is fairly typical advice from gender affirmative licensed professional counselors. Even publication directed at teenagers such as Teen Vogue share similar advice.

Gender-inclusive language isn’t typically something you learn in school, but its use is incredibly important to make life easier for non-binary peers.

Just because a non-binary person isn’t present doesn’t make it OK to use binary language.

Many nonbinary people aren’t as vocal about their identity and pronouns as others, and you can’t always know someone’s gender by looking at them, Hoffman-Fox stresses. Non-binary people reflect a wide variety of gender expressions and are sometimes still identified as male or female because they don’t present as androgynous.

Gender ideology is often very enthusiastically embraced by educators in Western countries. One can find these types of programs being taught in schools in Canada, the United States, New Zealand and Britain. The Elementary Teacher’s Federation of Ontario encourages educators to become “gender warriors.”

The below visual aid was created by a trans activist organization called Transcending Borders. “TRANScending Borders provides professional trainings, assessment to schools and organizations, and counseling to parents children and families.”

Scottish schools are planning to allow children to choose their own gender:

Children from the age of five could be taught in school that they should “decide” their gender. Teachers across Scotland will tell children it’s up to them to decide if they are a boy a girl or if they “don’t like to decide that” from as early as primary one…

Under the draft guidelines created by Education Scotland, NHS boards and the Scottish Government, children will be told in classrooms that “Your gender is what you decide.”

Some school boards in Ontario, Canada has advocated to use “they” to refer to all children, rather than sex specific pronouns.

Child education materials from The Rotifer Project from Cardiff University encourage children to engage in “gender play,” matching gender stereotypical behavior to blue and pink muffins.

Another gender activist group:

Below is a screen capture of and article. The Gender bread person comes from this artist and is used in a wide range of organization in gender training material. 

More material often used to teach children about gender ideology:

These programs and approaches by health professionals and the focus on transgender issues in the media are having an effect. The numbers of young people identifying as trans or non-binary is increasing at a meteoric rate (see here and here). 

A young androgynous presenting female explains gender (2:25:12-2:25:36):

I think gender is a spectrum…It’s all just one big rainbow.

In this exercise girls and boys who view themselves to be outside of the extreme gender stereotypes and see themselves as having both traditional male and females interests and characteristics may be led to believe that they may be transgender. Clearly these gender trainings are having the effect the gender educators desire. Some of these children are not seeing themselves as boys or girls, with unique interests and preferences, but as trans or a non-binary.

Another school assembly encouraging children to explore their gender identity by asking them “Are you a boy or are you a girl?” entirely based on interests, preferences and behaviour without mention of biological sex.

Even traditional science educators such as Bill Nye supports these exercises. Here he “Destroys the gender binary” using the imagery of gender as an abacus, an analogy Dr. Johanna Olsen-Kennedy claims she created this abacus (Gender Odyssey, 2017). It is obvious that so material being promoted by affirmative model advocates is going mainstream. 

Below is a quote from Nick Matte, a gender studies professor, who is teaching these concepts at University. Matte holds the view that biological sex is irrelevant, a concept now being taught to children (11:21)

The Agenda with Steve Paikin posts TVO, Canada (11:21)

Below is another British Academic:

There is also a strong push to have gender ideology influence all subjects studied in universities, including hard sciences and to force 3rd gender pronoun usage.

Do take care, faculty. It is offensive to oppressed classes to screw up their pronouns. But it is not oppressive to you to have to learn and use preferred pronouns correctly. Can professors be dismissive of this silliness? No, not if they wish to keep their positions. To take one example, a recent article stated that at the University of Minnesota a new draft proposal discloses that not correctly recognizing preferred pronouns could result in “disciplinary action up to and including termination from employment and academic sanctions up to and including academic expulsion.”

Professors are expected to not only practice compelled pronoun speech, but also to queer the curriculum. from Vanderbilt University, we have a comprehensive guide, “Teaching Beyond the Gender Binary in the University Classroom”:

‘In this guide we learn the reasons some students may question the non-binary, “Clark, Rand and Vogt (2003) observe that students may sometimes hold onto their current understanding of gender roles ‘like lifelines in class discussion’ when confronted with information that challenges their existing views.”’

Some medical doctors are also teaching a model which conflates gender and biological sex in which sex is defined by a person’s internal sense of gender and how stereotypically masculine or feminine a person is. A biological male or biological female is not defined by reproductive role or even X or a Y chromosome.

A comment about doctors in Canada on social media (linked now removed):

Planned Parenthood in Ottawa recently tweeted, “Anatomy isn’t male or female. It just is.” And that’s it’s transphobic to believe otherwise. They also warn that the adults in the room may not get it. And it’s a child’s job to reeducate them. Pediatricians will also have an interesting perspective going forward. The Canadian Pediatric Society released a guideline a few months ago that was meant to help doctors and parents understand the concept of gender. Among its recommendations doctors were told that gender is a spectrum. That gender identity and gender expression are unrelated. And a child’s sex is assigned at birth. And finally, while attending a research talk at a university a few of months ago one of the presenters actually showed slides of both the genderbread person and the gender unicorn.

This ideology is not harmless. Gender ideology is apparently confusing medical trainees and even doctors. They are willing to endanger their trans patients’ lives in the interests of protecting their subjective feeling about their gender. Here is a whole blog post by a Doctor about the incident below:

From the study Whitley (2017):

When, months later, she was considered for a kidney transplant, she was rejected because the medical team inexplicably decided to use male equations to calculate her GFR, which, at 23 mL/min/1.73m2 put her over the upper limit of 20. Had the medical team considered how different sex calculation could drastically alter interpretation of the results, and had they perhaps not lost sight of the scientific fact that sex cannot be changed through willpower or cross-sex hormones, her GFR would’ve been 18 mL/min/1.73m2 and she would have qualified for the life saving operation.

Affirmative clinicians and public-school systems enthusiastically promote trans/genderqueer ideology. How is this affecting young people in the real world?

Children with gender dysphoria are an at-risk population and need mental health support and protection from bullying. Those factors aren’t debatable. It is also true many people see much of the culture around gender ideology as being negative. They believe it is causing young people to be confused and overly fixated on gender, body dysmorphia, and identity politics. That is also the position on Gender Health Query (see viewpoints and mission statement).

Unlike many issues that tend to be polarized across the left/right political divide, critics and skeptics range from right-wing religious people, to moderates, to traditional liberals, to LGB people to far left radical feminists and even to trans people. Most bisexuals, gays, and lesbians, as most people, are not even aware of the nuances and complexities of these issues. Many LGB people who understand the issues view gender ideology as anti-gay encouraging gender non-conforming children (who are likely to grow up LGB) to view their gender nonconformity as a trans or gender queer, when they are too young to understand their identity in terms of their sexual orientation. 

Advocates of the gender affirmative model view promoting the concepts of gender fluidity as not just a need to protect children with GD from bullying, but as a progressive and positive cultural shift. This Thinkprogress article quotes Diane Ehrensaft celebrating the fact that “gender limits are being blown out of the water.”

Erica Anderson talks about how now children embrace a trans identity they may not have several years ago.

“We’ve got kids of varying sophistication levels of language trying to explain to other people who have no experience [being transgender]," Anderson said, "and it’s being driven by shifting professional understanding or consensus and culture. You’ve got moving parts. In that context we’ve got a dynamic situation where kids who might say ‘I’m a girl’ might have said five years ago ‘maybe I’m a girl.’ ”

An educator in California talks about what she sees as the positive effect of gender training’s in schools: (3:08:15-3:08:22). 

As a result of this work, I think my students feel happier and that they have permission to be who they are.

Here is another quote from Dr. Johanna Olson-Kennedy (Gender Odyssey, 2017): celebrating gender exploration as positive and extolling the virtues of destroying the gender binary:

Trans is trendy right? Everyone’s trans at my kid’s school. (audience laughs). People say that. All my kid’s friends are trans.That’s why they are saying they are trans. (Audience member “Because they are they cool ones”. Laughter). And It’s so trendy and rewarding…And so then people say like, I don’t understand it? I mean like um my kid was best friends with this kid in elementary school and now they are both trans…So gender bending is trendy! It is awesome! That young people are participating in a movement to remove the nonsensical relationship with the binary is a wonderful foot forward.

Is all of this cultural shift “awesome”?

Currently these dynamics haven’t been studied in a way to confirm Olson’s and other gender affirmative advocates’ statements of the benefit of gender ideology and encouraging young people to explore their gender.

Below is a textbook example of why many people feel that aspects of gender ideology, and the societal cheerleading around it, are in some ways confusing and harmful to young people. It can also push gender nonconforming girls, in the throes of pubertal discomfort, into a trans identification. The youth below identified as transgender for several years. She more than met the criteria for hormone blockers, cross-sex hormones, and even surgeries now performed on minors in the United States. She identified as trans well beyond the six months required to be “consistent, persistence and insistent” and receive a DSM diagnosis of gender dysphoria, which green lights medical treatment. This parent fully supported her child but did not allow any medical treatment. She is now a young adult who is thankful she did not transition and currently identifies as a lesbian. She at one point was a very gender confused and sexually confused teen. There are now many similar stories including those of detransitioners, those who underwent medical gender affirmation, but later reidentified with their biological sex. Some youth who have never been gender dysphoric or even gender non-conforming are suddenly identifying as transgender. Here is one parent describing her daughter’s confusion and transgender identification:

My head was spinning. My daughter was now claiming to be a gay male drag queen in a girl’s body. She also insisted, to my relief, that she did not have to cut her breasts off or take testosterone to be a man (I did an internal happy dance). But when I tried to explain to her that gay men would probably not be attracted to her (she looked like Drew Barrymore after an assault by a drunken makeup artist), she got very upset with me. She said only transphobic gay men would refuse to date her. I tried, as gently as I could, to explain that gay men are not usually attracted to people with female bodies. She angrily reminded me that she did not have a female body. When I persisted in explaining that gay men might disagree, she burst into tears. That was checkmate. She had won. I assured her that any gay man would be thrilled to be with her. Ugh.

During this time, while she was doing female drag and looking more girly than she ever had in her life, she decided to assert her maleness by using men’s public restrooms. I was with her at a park, and when she went off to use the restroom, I assumed she’d use the women’s room. Nope. She walked right into the men’s restroom. And I walked right in after her and dragged her out (The LOOKS we got!). I angrily lectured her on the dangers of men’s public restrooms, especially when, to all appearances, you are a 14-year-old girl. She accused me of not affirming her identity. I said I didn’t give a damn about her identity when her safety was at risk.

Slowly, the hyper-femme drag phase passed, and at 16, my daughter has regained some of the self she lost at puberty. She once again identifies as female, but wears the same type of gender-neutral clothing she wore as a child. She currently identifies as a lesbian, but has not yet had a serious dating relationship. 

Here is a story about a school system pulling an official sex and gender training program for review after it seemed to negatively impact students.

One of those parents, Jason Peterson, who has a daughter in sixth grade at Sequim Middle School, brought his concerns before the board last fall and again at a school board meeting on Feb. 20. He said the FLASH presentation given to his daughter and other sixth grade students weighted heavily on discussing gender identity and not scientifically- or medically-based sexual health education.

Peterson said his daughter came home upset after she attended the FLASH presentation held during a physical education class:

“She felt she was being encouraged to question her own gender identity,” he said.

Peterson said he was able to view the presentation and felt that more than half of its content was geared toward discussing gender identity when it should have been a much smaller percentage of the presentation.

A science teacher at the school thinks ignoring realities about chromosomes and biological reproduction is harmful:

“As a science educator, I know we need to be sure scientific facts are clear,” she said. “An example of a concern I have is how the new FLASH program defines male and female. It defines them as ‘what the doctor said you were when you were born.’ This is not the scientific definition that would be provided in the science department here.

Parents in Australia have raised similar concerns of harm, particularly to their teenage daughters with mental health problems who after school presentations have come out as trans. They called for a ban on the Australian Safe Schools program. 

One of the few doctors willing to criticize the “fashion in child surgical abuse” is Dr. John Whitehall, Professor of Pediatricians at Western Sydney University, who questions the “massive intrusion into the minds and bodies of children… It’s a collective madness.”

Most transgender children will, “grow out of it through puberty if parents do little more than gently watch and wait… The worst thing that can happen is the child is adopted as a poster child for the school.”

With teachers being trained by Safe Schools to think gender is whatever you feel like, “it’s not surprising we’re seeing more kids responding to this propaganda and parents getting on board. It’s very hard for professionals to speak out.”

When listening to stories of non-binary individuals, it is worth analyzing if this is something that should be encouraged as normal and healthy to elementary school children and teenagers. The identification of non-binary is growing. Non-binary females often claim to have serious issues around anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. They often have amorphous identities that they obsess about, which can shift moment to moment. Sometimes they choose physical alterations for aspects of their bodies they dislike or chose to take testosterone for a period of time to achieve a more androgynous look. Overall, they just have a strong desire to not identify with being a woman.

The quote below is from Lore, a biological female, who has undergone double mastectomy, who spends much of her time obsessing about her shifting gender identity, She has trouble keeping pronouns (friends’/own) straight, and engages in debates around the minutia of one gender identity that is now just one of dozens of gender identities.

“How to be a Good Ally To Non-binary People” (XOJane is now defunct)

Some non-binary people may use “he/him/his” or “she/her/her” pronouns, even though they don’t identify as exclusively male or female. Just because they use a pronoun strongly associated with one gender doesn’t make them binary; there are a lot of reasons, including pragmatism and personal preference, that they might use such a pronoun.

When I came out, I really appreciated my friends who asked me what pronouns I wanted used and then respected those pronouns, even when they didn’t quite “get” my gender. They respected me and acknowledged my pronouns, which meant a lot to me and cemented our friendship even as I struggled with coming out and solidifying my gender identity. Now, my friends have seen what a positive difference being out and being acknowledged as non-binary has made in my life, and they’ve come to wrap their heads around it, even if they were skeptical at first.

If you mess up someone’s name or pronouns, apologize sincerely and briefly. People have messed up my name and pronouns countless times — and I’ve messed up with some of my friends too, even though I’m non-binary! 

Even if their name or pronouns changes more than once. Despite my best efforts at consistency, I switched my name not once but twice, and my pronouns have always been a bit in flux. This isn’t because I’m trying to be difficult or special, or to keep people on their toes, but because it’s legitimately difficult to pin down the details of one’s non-binary gender in a society with strongly binary scripts.

If your non-binary friend ends up changing their name or pronouns more than once, please don’t use this against them. Most likely, they’re just doing what I did: figuring out the kinks in their identity and solidifying what most appropriately represents them. Thank them for letting you know about the change and do your best to switch to the new name and pronouns.

At a party last year, I was complaining to a couple of my friends how I was torn about the label agender. While I liked the concept of the label, I felt like my experience with gender was very different than that of most agender-identified people I’d come across online.

One of my friends, who is cisgender, essentially said that she didn’t know where I was getting that from, and tried to compare my experience to that of her agender partner, who I know and whose gender experience and journey was very different from my own.

…This friend could have just said that, or suggested I speak with her partner. The way she approached it made me feel like she didn’t trust my experience of being non-binary, and that she thought she was more of an expert on the agender label than I was.

Here is a similar  story by a non-binary biological male, of a hard to define, nebulous, shifting gender identity and sexuality confusion. This person acknowledges the influence of post modernism, a worldview that places subjective experiences over objective reality.

I don’t know what gender I am anymore, if any. I knew before coming to that particular realization that I’m also not only, and haven’t always been, attracted to men. Additionally, I realized I don’t know what exactly “attraction” means…

There are people who some of you might call “straight” if you looked at them and their partners and impose genders onto them, but who are actually “queer…” 

Queer theorists, influenced in part by the work of French philosopher Michel Foucault, usually deal with sexuality not removed from gender but simultaneously, and questioned them both. Many push back against the essentialist idea that sex and gender are different and question the limitations inherent in a binary gendered perspective.

Recognized alongside the likes of Judith Butler and Eve Sedgwick as one of the most influential queer theorist, José Esteban Muñoz explained in the book Feeling Utopia, “We have never been queer, yet queerness exists for us as an ideality that can be distilled from the past and used to imagine a future. The future is queerness’s domain.”

I recently had a white queer person tell me I was “taking up space” from non-binary people by claiming my identity as non-binary because I am often perceived as male...

But as a queer person, I don’t even know what my gender is? I don’t even know what gender is? How could I know how the gender of people I like relates to mine? How could I know if I am “homo” or “hetero” or “bi” if I’m not the same as or opposite of anyone?”

My relationship with gayness was defined by what I thought I knew myself to like. But I no longer know how I know what I like. Is “liking” based on sex or intimacy? What is sex without intimacy? Intimacy without sex?

If intimacy means more to me than sex, does having intimacy with someone without having sex with them define my sexuality? Does having sex without intimacy?

What is sex?

What is intimacy?

None of those things are defined enough for me to identify in any way other than in a way that allows them to be undefined. Exploring my queerness, those are questions I ask myself every day? And maybe there is no one answer to any of them. Maybe they change from year to year or day to day and person to person? Maybe I’ll never know.

The person in the next quote has similar personality traits as the above two non-binary individuals.

Vincent now identifies as non-binary. Non-binary is typically used as a catch-all term for gender identities outside of the traditional gender binary of male and female, but some non-binary students believe this definition is too simplistic. 

Vincent explained their non-binary gender depends on their mood.

Here is another example of a female who identifies as genderqueer and a shifting identity. These various gender identities have been suppressed with hormone use.

My gender history over the past sixteen years has included multiple social and physical gender transitions. I have lived in many gender presentations, and have used hormones to physically transition several times. Over the years my gender presentation has been fluid from: butch, to transgender man, to bearded lady, to queer femme. The only consistency in my gender identity over the years has been genderqueer, and my non-binary pronouns: ze/hir.

One does not need to have gender dysphoria at all to be trans/genderqueer according to many who believe in queer theory. People who appear perfectly gender conforming, who aren’t medically transitioning, need validation from the “queer” community.

This non-binary female, who defines herself as “queer” but dates and is about to be married to a man, experienced intense difficulty picking out a wedding dress due to a perceived conflict over identity. She decides on a no frills blue power dress after much soul searching.

I couldn’t even pick a pronoun. How was I supposed to decide what costume to wear on one of the most important days of my life?

When I walk down the aisle this time, in front of every person who knows me, it will be as someone who lives in their body. Not a bride on a cake, but as myself, a person who is too complicated for the simple rituals that are the pattern of our lives.

Another young woman who is non-binary struggles with choosing clothes for a friend’s wedding:

When the bride sent us pictures of the kind of dresses she wanted us to wear, I had mixed feelings. The fact that they were knee-length was great, as I’m sure a floor-length dress would have made me feel far more feminine and princess-like. Most of the dresses were figure-hugging and drew attention to the hips, which is the part of my body I feel most dysphoric about. I didn’t want to make it all about what I wanted, but the idea of wearing a clingy dress made me feel physically sick. So I mentioned that I would be happier in a "swishier" skirt… and luckily the other bridesmaids said similar things…

… Me feeling okay in a dress didn’t extend to shoes, so I spent most of the time building up to the wedding looking for shoes I would be okay with.

By the time the next person in our friend group is married, I think I’ll be wearing a suit with some femme flair rather than a dress with some masculine flair. I had a great time regardless, and I think I really learned a lesson about presentation and how much small details and accessories make you feel.

These young people who identify as non-binary also ruminate on language.

I suppose we'll be calling each other "spouses" which seems so dry and distant, but the real question we've bumped up to is what to call my partner on the day of the Wedding.

Traditionally a Fiancee matriculates to Bride, matriculates to Wife, and a Fiance matriculates to Groom, matriculates to Husband. We've been searching for the middle word between partner, fiance, spouse.

I also welcome any other trans non-binary or genderqueer wedding advice!

These attitudes about gender have been completely normalized on college campuses, such as Harvard and they are now the norm in high school and even elementary school. Now “many” people experience multitudes of genders on an ongoing basis. A college organization that wants to educate college students that non-binary people’s gender identities can change day to day.

This is one of many examples a youth gender culture heavily focused on validation. Everything and everyone is “valid” for any and every reason

“True” non-binaries are apparently suffering cultural appropriation by the fake “noun self” non-binaries. But what is the criteria to tell the difference?

An example that illustrates that those with non-binary identifies tend to engage in intense rumination, a part of transgender youth culture (2:44-3:07):

I went to group therapy sessions specifically for trans and gender nonconforming individuals. And it made me feel worse. Because when I was there everyone was complaining about their pronouns and how no one would respect them. And how they felt everyone was out to get them. And I was worried that my life would be awful.

There are already a multitude of examples of young people who have gotten drawn into trans/non-binary identification as part of adolescent/young adult identity exploration. Some of these individuals have have even taken cross-sex hormones and/or have had double mastectomies. Some of those who have medically transitioned are experiencing permanent side effects. Some were clearly not really gender dysphoric and were participating in a fad to get social capitol from a rebellious movement in a culture that exalts an oppressed status.

Non-binary identities are enthusiastically supported by affirmative model advocates such as Ehrensaft and J. Olson-Kennedy. They are promoted and supported by major mental health and many “LGBT” organizations in the West. However, the examples above indicate patterns of unstable identities, intense emotional insecurity, unhealthy levels of rumination and examples of faddishness. 

This study captures the examples above, finding that these youth have deep seated mental health issues and identity disturbances not solved by the affirmation model or medical transition.

Results

Both transfeminine and transmasculine individuals reported a lower QoL compared to the general population. Within the trans group, non-binary individuals showed the lowest QoL scores and significantly more depressive symptoms. A detailed analysis identified socio demographic and transition-specific influencing factors.

Conclusions

Medical GAI are associated with better mental well being but even after successful medical transition, trans people remain a population at risk for low QoL and mental health, and the non-binary group shows the greatest vulnerability.

An identity disturbance is a deficiency or inability to maintain one or more major components of identity. These components include a sense of continuity over time, emotional commitment to representations of self, role relationships, core values and self-standards, development of a meaningful world view and recognition of one's place in the world.[1][2]

Unfortunately, one will not find any discussion of problematic motivations for transition for these identities on the American Psychological Association’s website; only enthusiastic validation and an affirmation of queer theory. 

© Gender Health Query, 6/1/2019

Continue to Part 2: Building a culture of validation and normalization for all outlying identities